The Best Christmas Ever
by InsaneOddBall
Summary: Ah, Christmas. The time of presents, insanity, stupidity and...Sora kissing Santa Clause? RikuSora One-shot


I'M SORRY! The reason I haven't updated in so long was because I went brain dead and got writer's block. That and I'm a lazy son of a bitch. –coughs- I just finished my exams but now I have to study for the ACT test that'll be in January or February. Wow, who would have thought I had a brain? I'll try to update my other fics before then so PLEASE don't kill me! I just got a boyfriend! o.O As an apology, here's a one-shot fic. –after rambling, Emiri jumps out a window for some retarded reason- FORGIVE MEEEEEEEEEE!

Disclaimer: Emiri doesn't own Kingdom Hearts, only her fat, lazy ass. TT

Warnings: Yaoi aka gay love between Riku and Sora. I call the pairing Rira or Soku. Then again, I'm an idiot. The fic has some lame humor, language, slight spoilers for Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, and fluff. COVER THE CHILDREN'S EYES! THE FLUFF BURNS MY FLESH! WHY, NIXON!? WHY DO YOU LOATHE ME SO!?

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The Best Christmas Ever

Christmas had fallen upon Destiny Islands. Strangely enough, it was snowing on the island too. Usually the island's temperature is in the 100's and due to the climate it would be imposable to have snow, but screw it! It was Christmas and this is fanfiction! Christmas owns all of your lives, bitches! The law of science can go –CENSORED- itself for all we care! OMG!! I SAID –CENSORED-! LOL!!!!one!111!one!!!11!

Meanwhile, the authoress bangs her head against a brick wall to gain back some of her sanity or get into a coma. Whichever comes first.

Sora, the lovable uke we all want to hug, stalk, and/or pinch his adorable cheeks,(NOT THOSE, YOU SICKOS! SHAME ON THEE PERVERTEDNESS!) was bouncing around his house like he was on crack. His parents got themselves into a little 'accident' on the holidays with Riku's parents. The only thing you need to know was that it involved naughty things, bondage, knives, a duck, some baby squirrels, and rushing into the emergency room. Use your imagination.

Because of that, Sora got the whole house all to himself and decided to throw a Christmas party and get drunk on eggnog. That lucky bastard. -mumble- He invited his friends (Who seemed to be the only kids on the damn island. The parents need to repopulate some more.) Kairi, Namine, Wakka, Tidus, Selphie, and the Sephiroth clone we all love to obsess over, Riku.

They should probably be here any second now.

……….

…………….

Anytime now.

…………………….

HURRY UP, GOD DAMNIT! I'M MISSING FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST! I MUST SEE ROY/ED HINTS!

-DING DONG-

Thank you, God! It seems you don't hate me as much as I thought!

Sora, who (like few of the readers) was about to commit mass homicide, rushed over to answer the door only to meet a great evil.

"WEEEE! SORA-CHAN! THE MARTAINS HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED!"

No wonder. Selphie had just glomped our poor defenseless uke with such force that Sora fell to the floor.

And Selphie went down with him.

And she was high on sugar.

That or LSD.

"Down, girl! Don't glomp the uke!" Thankfully Kairi, Wakka, and Namine were there to pry Selphie off and use a tranquilizer dart on her. Meanwhile, Tidus was trying to see if Sora was still breathing.

"Er, you okay, dude?" Tidus asked helping Sora get on his feet.

"Ugh. Never better," Sora grunted. "Why were you so late?"

"Well, when we all went to pick up Selphie, SOMEBODY gave her a Christmas present early." Tidus answered glaring at Wakka the whole time.

"What? I said I was sorry, ya? Besides, Selphy wouldn't stop begging me for the bag of M&Ms!" Wakka retorted waving his hands in front of his face.

Tidus yelled back, "So? What did you give me? What about MY needs, you bastard!?" Tidus began sobbing hysterically while everyone else went like this: OO

Feeling slightly uncomfortable at the situation, Namine asked, "Sora, where's Riku? Isn't he with you?"

Sora blinked stupidly at her. "I thought he was with you."

"I am."

Everyone screamed like girls.

Sora jumped and turned around. "Riku! How did you get here!?"

Riku smiled. "If I told you I would have to kill you."

Everyone went: OO

-CHIRP. CHIIIIRRRRPP-

Kairi then stomped ruthlessly on the crickets.

Everyone still went: OO

Riku was still smiling.

The authoress was apparently running out of ideas.

It seemed like the tranquilizer didn't work because Selphie was awake and screaming, "LET'S PARTY!"

After several hours of parting, eggnog drinking and opening presents the party was over. That and the authoress didn't want to write about what happened because she's a lazy bitch.

After everyone left, Sora and Riku were the only ones in the house.

"Riku, why are you still here?" Sora asked his big, blue eyes blinking at Riku. Everyone say 'aww' now, damn it!

"Since my parents got into the same 'accident' that your parents had I thought we could have a sleepover." Riku stated like it was a fact of life.

"But you don't have anywhere to sleep!"

"What about you're parent's room?"

"Mom and dad said that their room has a raccoon possessed by the devil living in the closet! But you can sleep with me if you want"

Riku blushed furiously at that suggestion. "N-No! That's okay. I can sleep on the couch in the living room."

"You sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Really, really sure?"

"Really, really sure. Now shut the hell up!"

Later at night, Sora was woken up by a large crash, yelling, and curses downstairs in the living room. But that's where Riku was! What if he was hurt? Killed? Raped by Ansem? Or worse, attacked by FANGIRLS!? Sora grabbed his weak-ass, wussy wooden sword and slowly walked to the living room ready to whack someone to death.

When he finally arrived near the room he saw someone bending down holding his foot near the Christmas tree. The strange thing was that the person was wearing a red suit, a red cap, and a bag that was caring a lot of items. It couldn't be-

"SANTA CLAUSE!"

Sora glomped Santa who went 'eep!,' but tried to regain his composure.

"OMG! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S REALLY YOU! EVERYONE SAID YOU WEREN'T REAL BUT YOU'RE HERE! IN YOUR FACE BITCHES!"

Before he could continue his rant he noticed something strange about Santa. He wasn't as fate as he thought he would be and he didn't have a beard. In fact he looked liked-

"RIKU!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT DID YOU DO TO SANTA!?"

STOP INTERUPTING ME!

Riku sighed in frustration. "I was dressing up as Santa, stupid. I wanted you to be surprised when you saw 'Santa', but now looked what happened."

Riku found a sudden intrest looking down at the floor. Who knew they could be so magical?

"But why?"

"Just look at the flashback. Just try not to get blinded by the light."

FLASHBACK TIME! LOOK AT THE COLORS! THE COLORS, DUDE!

It was few days before Christmas break. The children took this to their advantage and were now causing mayhem and destruction at school like throwing spit balls or stink bombs at the teacher. A few of the surviving teachers huddled together under the principle's desk in fear of them. The children actually seceded at killing some of them already.

In the lunch room Sora kept talking about Santa Claus and how great and holy he was. He sounded a little……obsessed though. This caused most of the students to back away slowly and suggested he find a hobby.

One kid got annoyed by the 'How Great Santa Clause Is' speech and told Sora told him that, in the kid's words, "Santa Clause isn't real ya stupid –CENSORED- -CENSORED- now get a –CENSORED- life!" This caused Sora to have an emotional trauma and killed him and all the 'non- believers'.

OH GLORY BE! THE FLASHBACK IS OVER!

"So you did it for me?" Sora asked. Riku could only nod and scratched the back of his neck nervously.

Sora grinned which was the most adorable thing in the world. Say 'aww' again, damn it! "Thanks Riku?"

"You aren't mad?" Riku stared back at Sora.

"Of coarse not! It's the thought that counts!"

"So you won't murder me?"

"Nope! Besides, I don't have anywhere to hide your body." Sora blinked and looked up at the ceiling. "Where did the missal toe come from?"

"Must be some plot device to make the story more exciting."

"Oh. I don't really get it but whatever."

"Well, you can't ignore tradition now get over here!"

Outside Kairi and Namine were outside Sora's house. Namine was 'conveniently' having a sleepover at Kairi's house which was 'conveniently' near Sora's. Thinking it was a robber went over to peek through one of the windows.

"Kairi! I think Sora's kissing Santa Clause!"

"Wait a sec. That looks like Riku!.

"Riku's Santa!?"

"No, he's just dressed up as him. Look! They're using tongue!"

"……….Why are they on the floor now? Are they gonna-"

"Yes! Just get your camera and start taking pictures! We can sell them on Ebay or use them as blackmail material!"

"Um, right!"

A few blocks away, Tidus and Wakka made and and started doing things Sora and Riku were doing. And just like Kairi and Namine, Selphie was using a camera to tape the Wakka/Tidus action.

Without a doubt, this was the best Christmas ever.

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I finally finished it! I didn't even bash Kairi's huge ass forehead! Go me! Now if you excuse me, I need to update my other fics before some readers kill me. RR, please!


End file.
